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User blog:PokeRob/January 2016 Rob
There isn't going to be a Mack 10 episode today like I said because I didn't have it in me to write. I've had a lot going on lately and it may effect what I do on here, mostly my schedule with my series. All this means is that there will be two episodes next week rather than this week. Or something. Anyways, real life has been hard for me. Really hard. As most of you probably know, I've struggled with PTSD and depression for a while now. I told you guys at the last support group it was starting to fade away, but some recent events have brought it back up to the surface. First off, the court meeting was Friday. My parents' divorce is now final. My dad said that he didn't want us visiting him, but that we could keep contact through social media or e-mail. I'm really not happy about it... I'd prefer to see him again, in person, because I haven't seen him in a while, and I have a bad feeling it will be awkward over digital media. There might be visits in the future but who knows when, it could never happen, or it could take a long time. I still have classes with the boy at my school who... wronged me. Every day I see him, and though he mostly keeps out of contact with me, just seeing him makes it all feel so bad... I get a shaking sensation, and all the sudden, I feel powerless. Like I've lost all control, and there isn't anything I can do about it. It's terrible. But I can't just go up to a counselor and ask for a schedule change. It makes me uncomfortable talking to counselors, and the topic is really sensitive. I think one of the reasons it is so easy to talk about here is because it's not face-to-face. Stuff in my love life also isn't going well. I'd prefer to say that it's impossible to fall in 'love' until you are in college, but I don't know how else to describe what I feel for this girl. I've felt like this for about 4 months, and I told her about 2 months ago that I like her. She was dating my best friend at the time. My best friend was okay with it because he knew going into the relationship that I liked her. She used it as an excuse to break off their relationship, and furtherly went on to lie to me and say she liked me but didn't want to date. Of course, she was lying. This was the second time she had done that. I told her I was sick of her playing with me, and her response was "I liked you before I started to date him. I would've dated either of you, but he said something first, and now I just can't like you.". A few weeks ago she said "I don't know why I can't like you... When I used to imagine the perfect boyfriend, it was basically you. But I just can't like you, no matter how much I try.". And now she likes my other best friend while my feelings for her just get worse. I just can't take it. I want to stop liking her, but I just can't... So I told her yesterday that we couldn't talk anymore. I broke it all off and told her that I needed time to stop, but all it's done is make me feel worse. That's I guess what's been going on lately :/ I'm sorry if this was sort of long but it's stuff I need to get off my chest and I'm more comfortable saying it to the people on here than people in person. Category:Blog posts